


The Hollow Fight

by Tamasha



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Camelot, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Closeted Character, Episode Fix-it, Episode Related, Episode: s05e08 The Hollow Queen, Established Relationship, Evil Plans, F/M, Feels, Fix-It, Gay, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, Male Slash, One Shot, Relationship(s), Romance, Sad, Sad Ending, Season/Series 05, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-09 12:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4349570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamasha/pseuds/Tamasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Behind the scenes of series 5, episode 8, The Hollow Queen. The first chapter takes place just before and during the first scene of the episode. The second chapter starts up in the middle of one of the last scenes and goes on to a resolution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> written by Tamara

There were roses sprinkled about Arthur’s bed. Nearly all of the king’s candles were lit and placed throughout the room. Candles. The only time Arthur had been openly romantic like this was on Merlin’s last birthday when he had gotten Merlin herbs wrapped in a bow, in a basket - a very large basket full of herbs. He said it was so Merlin wouldn’t have to be away gathering herbs for Gaius ever again. It was an odd gift, but Merlin appreciated any small gesture from the king.

But this. This was special. The room smelled of gillyflowers and rose petals. The candlelight danced around the room, and it was the closest thing Merlin had ever seen to magic without casting a spell. It made Merlin’s heart melt. He closed his eyes and soaked in the moment.

"Ah. Merlin. You're here. What do you think?" Arthur's voice broke through the silence and caused Merlin to turn quickly to face him.

"My lord. It's...." Merlin scanned the room, he truly was speechless. "I love it."

Arthur put his hands on his hips. He was in his gossamer white shirt that always drove Merlin mad. He smiled at his work around the room. "I hope Guinevere loves it too."

"Guinevere?" Merlin asked, stupidly.

Arthur went to the bed to fiddle with the petals that were scattered over it. "I hadn’t gotten a chance to give her a proper anniversary celebration. We missed it last week -"

"Oh. Fine." Merlin interrupted. "Of course, this is for Gwen."

Stepping in closer, Arthur faced him. "What is that supposed to mean, Merlin?"

"Nothing." Merlin turned to one of the unlit candles in the room and struck a match. "It's just...  I should have known."

"Merlin..." Arthur said, realization only hitting him now. "We talked about this."

Merlin avoided Arthur’s gaze and focused on the candle in front of him. "I know. I just thought... I just thought maybe you had come around again." He lit the candle and watched it for a moment before he blew out the match.

"Merlin, you know you will always hold a place in my heart, but -"

"- but she's the Queen. I know, Arthur. I know." They had had this discussion too many times for Merlin to count. Always coming to the same conclusion: Camelot needed a queen. Gwen deserved a faithful husband. It didn't matter what they wanted, they both had greater duties. But Merlin was tired of all the excuses. Frankly, so was Arthur. Most nights they did spend together, and most of the time they were happy - even if it was only when they were alone. No matter how hard Arthur would try and push Merlin away, the king continued to come back to his manservant, keeping him close. Always at arm's length, Merlin would normally feel comfort from this, but lately it had felt more like a burden. Being so close to Arthur when they couldn’t be together, not really, was torture.

Arthur put a gentle hand on Merlin’s shoulder after a long pause. "If you know all the reasons, why are you so cross? I need you to be on my side; otherwise, none of this is worth it."

"What are you talking about?" Merlin snapped, pulling himself from Arthur and dropping the match to the floor. "You need me to go along with your fake marriage so that you don't have to recognize the reality of the situation? That's not fair, Arthur."

"No, I just need you to understand, because if you don't understand then... then... I just can't have you be upset about this Merlin. We have to -"

"Well I am upset. We have to what? Pretend? Arthur, you don’t even know how much I sacrifice for you, do you?"

"Merlin -" Arthur tried to cut in, but Merlin continued with more force.

"You can't ask me to sacrifice you, too. I can't just stand by and watch you be with her. Of all people, why did it have to be her, Arthur?" Merlin’s voice cracked and he quickly swiped a single tear from his eye. He didn’t want to show any weakness, not now.

Arthur had always had a soft spot for Gwen. Maybe it wasn’t quite what he shared with Merlin, but it had always been too intimate for Merlin’s comfort. Why couldn’t Arthur keep up pretenses with Elena, or someone who Merlin didn’t have to constantly wonder about? Wonder what Arthur did with her on the nights the queen was in his bedchambers. Wonder how Arthur truly felt. Or wonder why she got gillyflowers and candles when Merlin got... he got hidden away and kept secret.

"Don't say that, Merlin." Arthur’s voice was soft, and that only made it worse. Arthur couldn’t even reassure Merlin that his fears weren’t based on fact. "Gwen is just... come on, I just wanted to do something nice for her. It wasn’t -"

Merlin headed for the door but couldn't let it fall there. "Just be careful, Arthur. You can’t have both of us. One day one of us will leave and you won't be able to fix it with gillyflowers." Merlin had picked up one of the flowers from the nearby table and had gripped it tight enough to crush the petals. They fell to the ground as he spoke his last word. Then, Merlin turned to leave.

"Merlin," Arthur yelled, pushing his way in front of him. "You can’t talk to me like that. I'm the king. I deserve some respect." So he had decided to pull that card. Arthur always reminded Merlin that he was the king when he felt exceptionally guilty about something.

Despite feeling bad for putting Merlin in this position, Arthur was still doing just that and making no attempt to rectify it. Given the recent discovery of Gwen’s true motives, the knife in Merlin’s back dug deeper. Not only did she hold a piece - no matter how small - of Arthur’s heart, but also she held his undying trust. "You are a selfish man, Arthur Pendragon."

"Merlin!" Arthur’s voice rose, loud enough, surely, for anyone passing by to hear. "I have tried for years to make you happy. I've tried to keep you close, but you will always be my servant. You will always be off limits. And no matter what I want for myself, no matter who I love, I must first be king. That’s not something I would expect you to understand."

"You're right Arthur, I can't understand." Suddenly, Gwen opened the door, stumbling over Merlin a bit.

However, she regained her composure quickly. “Hello, Merlin, were you leaving already?” She smiled politely at him before moving towards Arthur.

Merlin made a point to move to the other side of the room; he wasn’t sure if he was finished talking to Arthur, and he certainly didn’t want to leave them alone. Not yet. He needed assurance from Arthur about where exactly he stood.

Guinevere gasped. “Oh, Arthur, this is so sweet. You’ve gone to all this trouble.” She came to the bed where Arthur was standing. “And gillyflowers, my favorite.” She turned to face him, and he wrapped his arms around her. “You remembered.”

“Mm-hmm.” But Arthur’s gaze was on Merlin for a moment before he looked at his queen.

Unaware of the glance Arthur had given Merlin, Gwen smiled at Arthur. “Have you missed me?”

“Hmm,” Arthur hummed, smiling down at the queen. His eyes met Merlin’s again. There was a hint of an apology behind his eyes, but Merlin wasn’t ready to accept. He looked down at Arthur’s nightstand in front of him. “Merlin, er, it’s late. You should probably get some sleep.”

“Thank you, Sire,” Merlin whispered as he pushed past the couple.

Before Merlin could leave, Gwen stopped him. “Oh, Merlin. Before you go, I’d love a hot bath.”

“Certainly, my lady.” There was a callousness in her tone, as if she had won a prize. But Arthur wasn’t a prize. He wasn’t something to be won. He had always belonged to Merlin, and Merlin belonged to him. But as Merlin watched Arthur take the woman into his arms, Merlin realized the real possibility of that no longer being true. Maybe she had won. Maybe Arthur had never been Merlin’s at all.


	2. Chapter 2

"So why don’t you tell us all about her? And why you’re walking with a limp?" Arthur was doing his best to hide the worry in his voice, but he was failing. The king and queen were eating as Arthur questioned Merlin. Guinevere had known exactly where Merlin was the past few days, yet she had made up a lie so that Arthur would not go out searching for his manservant. She had helped Morgana with the plot to kill Merlin, but more importantly, she had helped Morgana with the plot to kill the king himself. The man that now sat across from her at the table. The man whom she pretended to love. The man whom Merlin would die for, any day. Despite the words last spoken between the men, Merlin could still see the love in Arthur’s eyes. Merlin turned to Guinevere, challenging her with his eyes.

The king cleared his throat, urging Merlin to answer. “She was lovely. Wine, my lord?” Merlin queried, hoping he was not being too obvious.

“No thank you, Merlin." He dismissed his servant with a wave. He wore a disapproving look, the one he always gave Merlin when he knew he was hiding something. "I think I will retire for the evening.” Gwen nodded to her king as he stood. “Come, Merlin. My bath won’t fill itself.” Arthur was out of the room before Merlin could respond. Merlin glanced at Guinevere quickly before following Arthur into the hall.

“Explain yourself.” Arthur was waiting for Merlin in the corridor, arms crossed and brow furrowed. The concern on his face made Merlin’s heart jump, but the last quarrel was not yet silenced from Merlin’s mind.

“Arthur…” Merlin whined as he pushed past; he wasn’t going to talk about it right outside the room where the queen sat. He wasn’t even sure if he was going to tell Arthur at all. He wasn’t sure if it was time. “Nothing happened.”

Arthur pulled at Merlin’s tunic to bring his servant closer. “Tell me the truth. Were you with a girl?”

Merlin couldn’t help but chuckle. Here Merlin was, thinking he would have to talk to his king about the queen’s treason, but Arthur was more concerned about whether Merlin with a girl or not. “No, my lord.”

Arthur’s eyes narrowed. “Good.” Then his look softened and he eyed Merlin’s leg before continuing. “What happened?”

“Morgana.” Merlin decided he could tell the truth, but still hide what he knew of Guinevere. “She lured me to the woods with a trick and tried to… well, it doesn't matter. I’m fine now.” Merlin did his best to give a reassuring grin, but his heart wasn’t in it, and Arthur could tell.

His eyes were wide with worry and rage. “Morgana did this to you!?” Then Arthur's eyes fell on Merlin’s forehead and without a second thought, his fingers shot up to the scabbing wound there. “She hurt you,” he whispered with a gentleness Merlin hadn’t heard in a very long time.

Merlin closed his eyes, savoring the touch of Arthur. “Not badly, I’m fine.”

They were still outside of the royal private dining room. Arthur took Merlin’s hand, looked quickly down both directions of the corridor, and pulled Merlin in for a quick kiss. “I’m glad you are all right, Merlin.”

He knew Arthur was being genuine, yet Merlin also knew nothing had been resolved. “Thank you, Arthur. But everything I said before… I feel the same.”

Arthur began walking down the hall. Watching, Merlin realized he was expected to follow. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot, Merlin.” He walked slowly till Merlin was by his side, then took his hand. “You being gone gave me time to think. Time to miss you.” He looked behind him again, double-checking the empty hall. “I realized that my feelings for Gwen are nothing compared to my feelings for you. Well, I knew that, but these past few days confirmed it for me. I have to be honest with you, Merlin.” Then he stopped walking and pushed Merlin into a side corridor. “I tried…” Arthur looked down, eyes avoiding Merlin’s. He seemed embarrassed and uncomfortable, but mostly ashamed.

“Tried what?” Merlin coaxed softly. The whisper was barely heard in the silence, but they were close. In fact, Arthur had pinned Merlin against the wall, leaving very little room for Merlin to move away.

“I tried to be with her that night. I tried to, but I couldn’t -” He stopped himself and gave Merlin a knowing look.

Merlin gaped with the realization of what Arthur was telling him. “You mean you hadn’t tried before that night?” Merlin asked, a bit louder than he had intended.

Arthur shook his head. “No. The marriage hasn’t been consummated.”

A laugh escaped Merlin before he could judge it inappropriate. “Sorry," he said, sobering quickly.

“It’s fine,” Arthur smiled ruefully. “But seriously, Merlin, listen to me. The partnership I have with Gwen is purely platonic. It’s for the kingdom and the kingdom alone. My heart belongs only to you.”

Merlin closed his eyes and leaned into Arthur, resting his head on the king’s chest. “You didn’t have to say that.”

“I wanted to.” Arthur brought his arms around Merlin’s torso. “And it's true.You need to know that if I could change the way things are, I would. If I were ever to be without you, my world would fall apart.” He chuckled softly. “I couldn’t even get dressed without you Merlin.”

Merlin pulled away and looked at Arthur, a smile close to his lips. “Really?”

“Gaius had to help me.” Arthur’s face scrunched up into his look that Merlin usually associated with a bad smell. “He tried to dress me in Guinevere's nightgown.”

Merlin laughed again. “I would have liked to see that.”

“Oi,” Arthur snapped, but the exclamation was softened with his fond look. He pulled Merlin in closer and smiled deeply at his manservant. There was a twinkle in his pale blue eyes that told Merlin everything would be all right. Things would be different, or maybe not. Things could be exactly the same, but now Merlin had Arthur's promise. Now he was sure that no matter what, he - and only he - held Arthur’s heart.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make it as close to canon as possible (with of course the OTP of Merlin and Arthur). I strongly suggest watching the episode in between reading these two scenes for greatest effect. Tell me what you thought in the comments, and let me know if I made any mistakes that created plot holes.


End file.
